20 Minutes Home and Everyone is Crying.

Yesterday after school, Liam came home and looked at flowers and bees as we walked up the driveway. As soon as he stepped foot in the house he started to breathe short while stomping his feet because he saw Adrian was home watching TV on the couch. As I pulled his shoes off he started to cry and get angry about anything that was done or said. He choked past his tears and said he wanted a drink and crackers but his actions said the opposite. I went in the kitchen to get him his drink and crackers and he followed me in the kitchen, still crying. Adrian came in the kitchen and Liam screamed, stomped his feet and hid between the cabinet and my legs. I told Liam he needs to calm down before he gets his drink and crackers (I knew he would throw them on the floor in a fit), I talked to him calmly and said he needs to calm down and talk to me instead of crying and screaming. I walked away (acting like I was busy) so that he could have a moment, but that made his reaction worse, falling on the floor, slapping his face, kicking his feet. I decided to ignore it, if I confronted him it would only escalate and we would both get too emotional. So I left the room feeling like I don't know what to do, I don't know why I'm not used to this by now. Adrian is with Gwyn and has taken her outside to get away from the screams. It's been 10 minutes now and still Liam is screaming and crying and I'm at a loss for what to do. Adrian decided to put him on his padded floor in his room and turned to walk out and Liam pushed his humidifier, full of water, to the ground. By this time I'm crying (for some reason I let this get to me this time) and confused on how to handle this. We cleaned up the floor and took all the mats outside to dry and Liam is still crying and now Gwyn has started to get upset. 20 minutes has passed and now 3 of us are crying...Liam was put in time out for 9 minutes (3 times he refused to say sorry) and finally he says "I'm sorry to Mommy" so we take that as an apology even though he was avoiding the apology to Adrian, I just decided not to pick that fight at this time. So I tell him that since he spilled the water and got it all over his clothes that he needs to take a bath now, he starts to get upset again and I said in an assertive voice "Liam, you pushed over the humidifier and got water all over your clothes. You already said you're sorry and now we are going to take a bath and put on dry clothes." He calmed down and let me undress him. After the bath he talked about how he pushed the humidifier and was crying and then he went out and ate crackers, had a drink and acted like he was fine. He even talked to Adrian and was being silly with Adrian, like there was no issue at all just a couple minutes ago on how he didn't even want to see Daddy. The rest of the night was quiet and no conflicts until it was time to brush his teeth, then he cried and fell on the floor. After I handled that then he went to bed and yelled "Momma, Momma" for about 10 minutes then he gave up and went to bed.

I knew that these emotional outbursts after school would be back, he had such a normal time coming home from school for about 2 months (February, March) but the pattern is usually carefree "normal" days for 1-2 weeks and "emotionally troubled" days for 3-4 weeks. This time we had carefree "normal" days for 2 months, so now I believe we are on the emotionally troubled days for about 4 months now.

It's difficult to let my guard down when he is carefree because I know that a couple days he will have emotionally troubled days and I have to be prepared for those days, otherwise I'm thrown off and I don't handle situations correctly. I feel more pressure now because I'm trying to explain Liam's emotional breakdowns and ticks to Adrian, but sometimes I don't even know the answers. I feel like I'm constantly pleading Liam's case to Adrian so that Adrian doesn't have negative feelings towards Liam. I guess I'm trying hard to build good relationships between Liam and Adrian, Liam and Gwyn, and Liam and myself.

It's hard for me to be this honest because I know I'm making our "family business" public but it helps me deal with the situations and it's the truth.

Head banging and restraining are NOT a thing of the past!

Liam had a head banging incident over this last weekend. We were 9 months of "head banging free" behavior. I was so beside myself and shocked when I walked in and he had a knot on his forehead. You figure I would be prepared for this behavior but I had written it off as a behavior of the past. I thought we solved this and he wouldn't have even resorted back to this behavior but I guess it will never be completely out of the picture.

My actions that I have to take are: (This is to refresh my memory)

1. Keep my eyes on him when he gets angry and make sure his anger doesn't escalate to rage

If it does resort to a "rage fit", I have to: (This is to refresh my memory)

1. Remember to restrain him until he's calmed.



2. Have no emotions during this time.



3. Keep a calm and assertive voice.



4. Ask no questions, give no hugs, have no conversations with him at this time, until he's calmed.

Nightmare...
Liam also got up in the middle of the night screaming for me and when I went in to see what was the matter he was just screaming and crying and kicking and punching his fists. I couldn't clam him down, he was hyperventalating and was just getting worse. Adrian had to come in and restrain him for 10 minutes until he clamed down and I went back in and asked Liam what happened and he replied "I didn't do it!" and I asked "you didn't do what?" and he replied "I didn't stab myself!" I didn't even have a reply for that, I just hugged him and said everything is ok and that he just had a bad dream. I don't even know where he even came up with the word "stab" no one uses it at home, must be from school, but still it is an odd thing for a 3.5 year old to dream about and have such a violent reaction after he's awake.

No Daddy No!

We are so happy to have Adrian back in our lives after being deployed for a year. He's been home for about a month now and our lives have been anything but routine ever since. School has been out for Liam; Adrian comes home from work at different times everyday; Liam, Gwyn and I have been sick for the last week; nothing is normal anymore. Liam has enjoyed playing with Adrian for the first weeks of his return but now Liam is rejecting Adrian and won't even be in the same room as Adrian so he doesn't have to confront him. With me being sick I have needed Adrian's help with taking care of the kids but Liam won't have any part of daddy helping him. In the picture above, I had to persuade Liam to go see the statue with daddy but Liam wasn't happy that he had to leave me behind and I wouldn't be holding his hand. So Liam went but didn't want to be near or hold daddy's hand. Every little thing is an issue with Liam if daddy has to help or be involved. When I asked him why can't daddy help he replied "Because daddy's too different!" He is now back to square one with Adrian, before Adrian deployed a year ago, Liam would have fits because Adrian would get him out of the car instead of me. I have talked to Liam and told him social stories about "When daddy is home, he will drive the car...when daddy is home, he will help you with your shoes..." and so on. But so far the social stories are not working, and I haven't been on "my game" since I've been sick. Now I'm getting better and I'm trying to come up with new techniques to incorporate good behavior responses and bad behavior responses and that Liam has a choice to respond with good behavior and get a reward. In fact, after I write this blog, I will be working on some new reward systems for him. Right now if Adrian walks into Liam's bedroom Liam will scream "NO, DADDY, NO! I DON'T WANT YOU! I WANT MOMMY! GO AWAY!" and he'll cry and scream as if he were getting beaten if Adrian continues. Adrian has been really understanding about it, even though I know it breaks his heart to hear Liam protest so angrily about him. But it's not that Liam doesn't like Adrian, it's that Liam is not used to Adrian being the person who helps him with his pajamas, or put him to bed. He is used to me doing all of this and it's easy if I do it because he knows how to socialize with me and he knows what to expect with me, he doesn't know what to expect with Adrian. Adrian could put his left foot in the sock first instead of his right foot. Adrian could put his pants on before his shirt is put on. All these possibilities are unpredictable is Adrian does them but I know exactly what to do and how Liam likes to do things without him having to worry about it. It's like all Liam does is worry when Adrian is around and when Liam worries, he isn't carefree and he doesn't want to have fun or play.