Good news to report! We just had a boy from Liam's class come over to play and I was able to sit back and enjoy watching them play on their own. Liam took charge and showed ALL of his toys and came up with some games to play all on his own. I only had to step in to suggest that his friend doesn't have to play things if he doesn't want to and that's ok. I tell you it went off so well. I am amazed everyday by this little boy who is growing and overcoming so many obstacles.
"It is a misconception that kids with autism don't want to socialize, it's quite the opposite actually. They just don't know how to socialize "naturally" like everyone else. They need to be taught ,in repetition, every scenario possible so they reply with the socially accepted responses."
Waving goodbye to his friend with a little concern on his face. We walked into the house and he had a 10 minute meltdown and then pulled himself together, ate dinner and that was that. I truly can't get over how easy this day was and what a milestone we had today. It seems everyday is a milestone here, all this progress with no regression. I am unbelievably NOT exhausted by this day!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Daddy's home to visit for 2 days.
Adrian is in the field for a month with 2 days to come home to visit in the middle. It's been 2 weeks and he's home for the 2 day visit as of last night. It's already put a small bump in our schedule.
When Adrian pulled into the driveway the kids dropped everything they were playing to run out and greet daddy with big smiles. Gwyn was first in line for big hugs and kisses and telling him "daddy I missed you so much!" Liam hung back with an excited smile and then started to talk right away about how now that daddy's home we can carve a pumpkin and he ran in and set his pumpkin on the table, ready to carve. Oh great, now I have to explain myself and tell him "I know I said when daddy come home maybe he can carve our pumpkins with us, but I didn't mean the minute he came home Liam." We waited while his anxiety rose and his anger and disappointment set in and then I explained it 2 more times very calmly. He wasn't happy with this at all but I quickly got him distracted by telling him to go put his captain America costume on and we can go to his school festival in costume. Whew! That was dodged somewhat gracefully.
Adrian was a little saddened by his lack of excitement to see him home and I told him "this is how Liam shows you that he's missed you a lot too." Liam's lack of emotion for his homecoming isn't because he doesn't love or miss him, he just expresses himself differently which could be perceived as selfish and all about "me me me" but that's when you know from him that he has missed you because you haven't been there to fulfill his needs on a daily basis and he takes it out on you when you return.
This morning the kids got up and were playing in their room like usual at 6 am when daddy went in to see what they were doing and minutes later I had to go in to calm Liam down all because it wasn't part of our schedule for daddy to come in to his room. I asked Adrian nicely to ,"please don't assume responsibilities while you are here today and tomorrow, it will only cause disruption. I know you are trying to help but just sit back and relax, I will take care of the daily routines." I think Adrian was disappointed and felt not wanted but it is just how Liam can cope with Adrian's unpredictability right now.
I think moving here has been the best decision we have made because we have actually been able to experience an easier "normality" to our lives because of Adrian's predictable schedule and his extra time to be home and bond with the kids. The whole first year of Gwyn's life Adrian was deployed and so they have been trying to catch up on bonding and building trust and that has finally strengthened by being here with a normal work schedule. Adrian always has to build trust with Liam but I believe Liam's anxiety has gone down tremendously just having Adrian's work schedule be predictable and having more time at home to bond. Adrian has also been around more to see how I handle things and learn how to handle Liam with everyday situations. We are all still learning as Liam grows but at least we are caught up to having more good days and fewer bad days (and the "bad days" are not nearly as severe as they used to be).
I also have had to adjust by including Adrian in our schedule because he was gone so much at Fort Bragg that I treated the situation more like a single parent and if Adrian could attend or do something with us then he could but I could never count on him to do anything like picking Gwyn up from Childcare or go to Liam's school functions or even having Adrian home on the weekend is something we've had to adapt to and build our schedule with him in it. It's been an adjustment for all of us but definitely a positive adjustment!
When Adrian pulled into the driveway the kids dropped everything they were playing to run out and greet daddy with big smiles. Gwyn was first in line for big hugs and kisses and telling him "daddy I missed you so much!" Liam hung back with an excited smile and then started to talk right away about how now that daddy's home we can carve a pumpkin and he ran in and set his pumpkin on the table, ready to carve. Oh great, now I have to explain myself and tell him "I know I said when daddy come home maybe he can carve our pumpkins with us, but I didn't mean the minute he came home Liam." We waited while his anxiety rose and his anger and disappointment set in and then I explained it 2 more times very calmly. He wasn't happy with this at all but I quickly got him distracted by telling him to go put his captain America costume on and we can go to his school festival in costume. Whew! That was dodged somewhat gracefully.
Adrian was a little saddened by his lack of excitement to see him home and I told him "this is how Liam shows you that he's missed you a lot too." Liam's lack of emotion for his homecoming isn't because he doesn't love or miss him, he just expresses himself differently which could be perceived as selfish and all about "me me me" but that's when you know from him that he has missed you because you haven't been there to fulfill his needs on a daily basis and he takes it out on you when you return.
This morning the kids got up and were playing in their room like usual at 6 am when daddy went in to see what they were doing and minutes later I had to go in to calm Liam down all because it wasn't part of our schedule for daddy to come in to his room. I asked Adrian nicely to ,"please don't assume responsibilities while you are here today and tomorrow, it will only cause disruption. I know you are trying to help but just sit back and relax, I will take care of the daily routines." I think Adrian was disappointed and felt not wanted but it is just how Liam can cope with Adrian's unpredictability right now.
I think moving here has been the best decision we have made because we have actually been able to experience an easier "normality" to our lives because of Adrian's predictable schedule and his extra time to be home and bond with the kids. The whole first year of Gwyn's life Adrian was deployed and so they have been trying to catch up on bonding and building trust and that has finally strengthened by being here with a normal work schedule. Adrian always has to build trust with Liam but I believe Liam's anxiety has gone down tremendously just having Adrian's work schedule be predictable and having more time at home to bond. Adrian has also been around more to see how I handle things and learn how to handle Liam with everyday situations. We are all still learning as Liam grows but at least we are caught up to having more good days and fewer bad days (and the "bad days" are not nearly as severe as they used to be).
I also have had to adjust by including Adrian in our schedule because he was gone so much at Fort Bragg that I treated the situation more like a single parent and if Adrian could attend or do something with us then he could but I could never count on him to do anything like picking Gwyn up from Childcare or go to Liam's school functions or even having Adrian home on the weekend is something we've had to adapt to and build our schedule with him in it. It's been an adjustment for all of us but definitely a positive adjustment!
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