It's been awhile!

It has been a long time since I last wrote on here. I'm not a celebrity so I doubt it is that disappointing. We have had a hard transition out of the military life the last couple years. Getting my husband the career he deserves after serving in the military was much harder than we thought. After unemployment and taking jobs that had nothing to do with his background, he finally is set up with a career outside the military that will build on his past experience and will take him into a decent retirement. I have been trying to hold the family together and support my husband so he could get settled with his future career. The recent Government shutdown that lasted 35 days and 2 pay periods that really affected us financially. So with all 3 kids in school I am able to focus on my dream to start my Jenn Dominguez, graphic design business. So as I was sprucing up my web page I came across this blog that I started years ago and thought, I better keep this up so I can document and remember everything for years to come. Since I haven't posted in ages I think I better catch you up on our family.

We now have 3 children, a dog, Buster, & 3 guinea pigs, Ninja, Skitty, & Princess! We sadly lost 2 betta fish, Dorby, & Bobby Wasabi, along our journey)

1. Liam is our oldest (as you know) and has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (they no longer separate Autism into categories, it is now grouped as one). He also suffers from anxiety disorder and OCD is brought on by anxiety. He thrives on visual schedules and knowing what is coming next in life. He loves to learn facts and loves to draw robots. He still has a love for legos and cars.
2. Gwyneth is our middle child, she has been diagnosed with Visual Processing Disorder. So everything Liam thrives on with visual schedules was not helpful for her, she thrives on movement and active learning like learning alphabet through body movement and poses. She has a very creative brain and can remember elaborate stories but has a hard time with just facts. She hated reading but through certain steps she has now learned to love reading and is confident and happy to read every night. She is in third grade but the school says she's working on a first grade level, but I have worked with her and believe she is now up to level. We were hitting a wall for a while with reading but then I found some answers in a book one day.   
3. Gavin is our youngest child, he is confident and  full of energy. He believes he is the same level as the other two and has no problem trying to prove that. He is in Kindergarten, and he has been working on reading BOB books at home every night and doing a fantastic job. He has just recently learned how to tell time by hours and minutes and wants to be quizzed on it everyday now. He loves to watch DIY tutorials on youtube, which I detest but find myself watching them with him. He also loves Grumpy Cat and Minecraft.

Now we are all caught up on the kids and what we have been doing in life while I wasn't posting, I can share experiences, past and present and hopefully help someone else in the process. Even if helping is by making you laugh, it still counts as helping! :)

Liam's First Halloween!

It's taken us this long for Liam to understand the excitement of any Holiday. For years we have down played our holiday celebrations to accommodate Liam due to his anxiety he gets when he's surprised or if the routine is different. In his own excited words "Momma, this is my first Halloween! I'm sooo excited!" This year was such a treat to be able to "actually" go trick or treating for REAL. Every Halloween we have had was trick or treating but at our OWN house, we would role play and knock on each others doors and give out candy because Liam didn't want to go to other houses. He was too overwhelmed with everything and it ended up being an evening about 'forcing' him to have fun like everyone 'should', but we realized he's not like everyone so why make a kid miserable when it's about having fun?! It's silly to try to be normal and do normal traditions for us, it's outcome is usually not a pleasant one and that's what the holidays are suppose to be about for the kids. This year, our "break through year", is going to be our first of many fun traditions to finally set in place for our family.

Days after his Halloween he has been cranky and is showing signs of anxiety (I've had to bandage his thumbs because he's bothering his cuticles again, he hasn't done that in a while). But he had a whole week of his school being out of routine with red ribbon week, he had a play date with a boy from his class, & he's had his first Halloween all in one week so I think he's in need of his routine again before his anxiety gets out of control. I think one of many secrets to our success has been to stay ahead of his behaviors and to limit the "triggers" as much as possible. Another secret is to be a great mind reader but that isn't always possible, lol, if it were I don't think we would ever have troubles. ;) So we will try to calm things down and let him get back to a normal day before we get in to "meltdown territory".

A "No Prompting" Playdate?!?!

Good news to report! We just had a boy from Liam's class come over to play and I was able to sit back and enjoy watching them play on their own. Liam took charge and showed ALL of his toys and came up with some games to play all on his own. I only had to step in to suggest that his friend doesn't have to play things if he doesn't want to and that's ok. I tell you it went off so well. I am amazed everyday by this little boy who is growing and overcoming so many obstacles.

"It is a misconception that kids with autism don't want to socialize, it's quite the opposite actually. They just don't know how to socialize "naturally" like everyone else. They need to be taught ,in repetition, every scenario possible so they reply with the socially accepted responses."

Waving goodbye to his friend with a little concern on his face. We walked into the house and he had a 10 minute meltdown and then pulled himself together, ate dinner and that was that. I truly can't get over how easy this day was and what a milestone we had today. It seems everyday is a milestone here, all this progress with no regression. I am unbelievably NOT exhausted by this day!

Daddy's home to visit for 2 days.

Adrian is in the field for a month with 2 days to come home to visit in the middle. It's been 2 weeks and he's home for the 2 day visit as of last night. It's already put a small bump in our schedule.

When Adrian pulled into the driveway the kids dropped everything they were playing to run out and greet daddy with big smiles. Gwyn was first in line for big hugs and kisses and telling him "daddy I missed you so much!" Liam hung back with an excited smile and then started to talk right away about how now that daddy's home we can carve a pumpkin and he ran in and set his pumpkin on the table, ready to carve. Oh great, now I have to explain myself and tell him "I know I said when daddy come home maybe he can carve our pumpkins with us, but I didn't mean the minute he came home Liam." We waited while his anxiety rose and his anger and disappointment set in and then I explained it 2 more times very calmly. He wasn't happy with this at all but I quickly got him distracted by telling him to go put his captain America costume on and we can go to his school festival in costume. Whew! That was dodged somewhat gracefully.
Adrian was a little saddened by his lack of excitement to see him home and I told him "this is how Liam shows you that he's missed you a lot too." Liam's lack of emotion for his homecoming isn't because he doesn't love or miss him, he just expresses himself differently which could be perceived as selfish and all about "me me me" but that's when you know from him that he has missed you because you haven't been there to fulfill his needs on a daily basis and he takes it out on you when you return.

This morning the kids got up and were playing in their room like usual at 6 am when daddy went in to see what they were doing and minutes later I had to go in to calm Liam down all because it wasn't part of our schedule for daddy to come in to his room. I asked Adrian nicely to ,"please don't assume responsibilities while you are here today and tomorrow, it will only cause disruption. I know you are trying to help but just sit back and relax, I will take care of the daily routines." I think Adrian was disappointed and felt not wanted but it is just how Liam can cope with Adrian's unpredictability right now.

I think moving here has been the best decision we have made because we have actually been able to experience an easier "normality" to our lives because of Adrian's predictable schedule and his extra time to be home and bond with the kids. The whole first year of Gwyn's life Adrian was deployed and so they have been trying to catch up on bonding and building trust and that has finally strengthened by being here with a normal work schedule. Adrian always has to build trust with Liam but I believe Liam's anxiety has gone down tremendously just having Adrian's work schedule be predictable and having more time at home to bond. Adrian has also been around more to see how I handle things and learn how to handle Liam with everyday situations. We are all still learning as Liam grows but at least we are caught up to having more good days and fewer bad days (and the "bad days" are not nearly as severe as they used to be).

I also have had to adjust by including Adrian in our schedule because he was gone so much at Fort Bragg that I treated the situation more like a single parent and if Adrian could attend or do something with us then he could but I could never count on him to do anything like picking Gwyn up from Childcare or go to Liam's school functions or even having Adrian home on the weekend is something we've had to adapt to and build our schedule with him in it. It's been an adjustment for all of us but definitely a positive adjustment!

Above & Beyond Expectations!

I can't put into words how exciting it is to see Liam act as if there's not a care in the world! I have waited his whole life for him to drop his anxieties and just play like children should and not be held back by his mind and emotions. It's crazy that I'm able to write a post like this at this time in our life when there's been huge changes all around us.

I am one happy mama to be able to report that Liam has settled into our new home, his new school, and my husband's new work schedule. We prepared and did social stories before but I never dreamed that it would be enough to set his overly thinking mind at ease. We've had very few (by few I mean only 2) episodes of an anxiety melt down but they lasted 5 minutes, ...what?!

We have gone to the zoo, water park, a weekend retreat into the mountains of New Mexico, the science museum, a small petting zoo with bounce houses. All these activities with very little resistance on Liam's part. Only the transitioning has been an issue but still, he BOUNCED in the bounce house with TONS of kids and smiled while doing it! He's made friends at school and wants to have play dates with them! I have tears in my eyes as I write this because never did I think my early intervention techniques would pay off as well as it is. Never crossed my mind that we too could do activities that others do without conflict and anxieties.

A BIG BIG THANK YOU to his special needs preschool teacher for 2 years, Mrs. Thompson! Liam grew so much from the first day we came into your class to now. I can't express how you've helped our family and how much we appreciate you.

Another BIG THANK YOU to Kerry & Carol for your ideas on schedules and charts. Kerry, whenever we talked you didn't make me feel like I'm a crazy mother who's overly concerned for my child. You listened, understood, and helped me out greatly when I needed it.

Of course my PARENTS I THANK every day for their support and understanding. I very lucky to have such caring and loving parents.

Well I'll wrap this up because its sounding more like an acceptance speech than an update about Liam. :) But I feel like I did win something, I won an anxiety free child and that's the best reward or gift that I could ever receive.

All in all, we are doing great!

Liam, who is turning 5 years old in August, has made so much progress! It's unbelievable to think that he would get out of the bathtub and grab his towel all by himself then proceed to pick out his own PJ's and dress himself, leaving his socks off while he ate dinner, and then went to bed forgetting to put them on...is this for real? The behavior binder is proving itself time and time again to help with his anxiety, OCD, and behaviors. I never thought that his disagreements would only last seconds and not hours. I'm so excited how far we keep climbing but I'm also nervous about all the changes we are about to face. Having to PCS (Permanent Change of Station- army lingo) to a whole new world in El Paso, TX makes me so anxious that I have been preparing with social stories and talking about our new house and his new bedroom with a new teacher in his new school. Everything will be a clean slate and it will be all new territory for us as a family. His little sister Gwyn is 2 years old and is a sassy carefree little girl who is very adaptable. Liam is not so adaptable and he requires explanation about everything all the time and needs to talk about every detail of a situation. We recently prepped him (for a month) to go see The Lorax in a movie theater, which was his very first time ever going to a theater to see a movie, and it went off without a hitch. I couldn't have been more happy with how he handled the whole thing, the previews (which were for an older crowd in my opinion) the seat, which kept closing up on him because he's so little and light and the movie was a new Lorax not the old Lorax which he has seen and knows about. All in all he was very adaptable and appreciated the movie, even though as we are leaving he is talking about how I didn't fix his broken car at home yet. I'm excited because I can see some normal family events in our future and I hope we don't regress with our big move across country. No matter what happens I know we will get through these times and I'm prepared so I know we will never be in the situation we were 2 years ago. This gives me hope!

Who, what, when, where, why and how?http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/

Autism is a physical condition linked to abnormal biology and chemistry in the brain. The exact causes of these abnormalities remain unknown, but this is a very active area of research. There are probably a combination of factors that lead to autism.

A number of possible causes have been suspected, but not proven. They involve:

Genetics
Diet
Digestive tract changes
Mercury poisoning
The body's inability to properly use vitamins and minerals
Vaccine sensitivity

SYMPTOMS

Most parents of autistic children suspect that something is wrong by the time the child is 18 months old and seek help by the time the child is age 2. Children with autism typically have difficulties in:

Pretend play
Social interactions
Verbal and nonverbal communication

Some children with autism appear normal before age 1 or 2 and then suddenly "regress" and lose language or social skills they had previously gained. This is called the regressive type of autism.

PEOPLE WITH AUTISM MAY:

Be overly sensitive in sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste (for example, they may refuse to wear "itchy" clothes and become distressed if they are forced to wear the clothes)
Have unusual distress when routines are changed
Perform repeated body movements
Show unusual attachments to objects

The symptoms may vary from moderate to severe.

Communication problems may include:
Cannot start or maintain a social conversation
Communicates with gestures instead of words
Develops language slowly or not at all
Does not adjust gaze to look at objects that others are looking at
Does not refer to self correctly (for example, says "you want water" when the child means "I want water")
Does not point to direct others' attention to objects (occurs in the first 14 months of life)
Repeats words or memorized passages, such as commercials
Uses nonsense rhyming

SOCIAL INTERACTION:

Does not make friends
Does not play interactive games
Is withdrawn
May not respond to eye contact or smiles, or may avoid eye contact
May treat others as if they are objects
Prefers to spend time alone, rather than with others
Shows a lack of empathy

RESPONSE TO SENSORY INFORMATION:

Does not startle at loud noises
Has heightened or low senses of sight, hearing, touch, smell, or taste
May find normal noises painful and hold hands over ears
May withdraw from physical contact because it is overstimulating or overwhelming
Rubs surfaces, mouths or licks objects
Seems to have a heightened or low response to pain

PLAY:

Doesn't imitate the actions of others
Prefers solitary or ritualistic play
Shows little pretend or imaginative play

BEHAVIORS:

"Acts up" with intense tantrums
Gets stuck on a single topic or task (perseveration)
Has a short attention span
Has very narrow interests
Is overactive or very passive
Shows aggression to others or self
Shows a strong need for sameness
Uses repetitive body movements


Autism includes a broad spectrum of symptoms. Therefore, a single, brief evaluation cannot predict a child's true abilities. Ideally, a team of different specialists will evaluate the child. They might evaluate:

Communication
Language
Motor skills
Speech
Success at school
Thinking abilities

Sometimes people are reluctant to have a child diagnosed because of concerns about labeling the child. However, without a diagnosis the child may not get the necessary treatment and services.

TREATMENT

An early, intensive, appropriate treatment program will greatly improve the outlook for most young children with autism. Most programs will build on the interests of the child in a highly structured schedule of constructive activities. Visual aids are often helpful.

Treatment is most successful when it is geared toward the child's particular needs. An experienced specialist or team should design the program for the individual child. A variety of therapies are available, including:

Applied behavior analysis (ABA)
Medications
Occupational therapy
Physical therapy
Speech-language therapy
Sensory integration and vision therapy are also common, but there is little research supporting their effectiveness. The best treatment plan may use a combination of techniques.

DIET

Some children with autism appear to respond to a gluten-free or casein-free diet. Gluten is found in foods containing wheat, rye, and barley. Casein is found in milk, cheese, and other dairy products. Not all experts agree that dietary changes will make a difference, and not all studies of this method have shown positive results.

If you are considering these or other dietary changes, talk to both a doctor who specializes in the digestive system (gastroenterologist) and a registered dietitian. You want to be sure that the child is still receiving enough calories, nutrients, and a balanced diet.

OTHER APPROACHES

Beware that there are widely publicized treatments for autism that do not have scientific support, and reports of "miracle cures" that do not live up to expectations. If your child has autism, it may be helpful to talk with other parents of children with autism and autism specialists. Follow the progress of research in this area, which is rapidly developing.

At one time, there was enormous excitement about using secretin infusions. Now, after many studies have been conducted in many laboratories, it's possible that secretin is not effective after all. However, research continues.

EXPECTATIONS (prognosis)

Autism remains a challenging condition for children and their families, but the outlook today is much better than it was a generation ago. At that time, most people with autism were placed in institutions.

Today, with the right therapy, many of the symptoms of autism can be improved, though most people will have some symptoms throughout their lives. Most people with autism are able to live with their families or in the community.

The stresses of dealing with autism can lead to social and emotional complications for family and caregivers, as well as the person with autism.

Awareness still needs to be spread about ASD

A recent post on Facebook really rubbed me the wrong way, so much so that I "unfriended" them... Whoever can sit there & judge mothers with ASD children saying it's all from the lack of parenting is truly ignorant about the disorder. I was appalled that such ignorance can be posted for other ignorant people to comment and ralley with the same opinions...truly awareness still needs to be put out there.  We are the opposite of "lazy parents who just don't know how to handle their kids". We are up late at night writing in our journals about what happened today so that we can keep record of tantrums and what the triggers may be. We are the only ones that understand our children when the world refuses to look beyond their "selfishness" & "lack of empathy". We are up during every down time we have doing research and learning about ABA, visual, physical, & verbal prompting, comorbity, fading, reward systems, behavior modifications, accommodations, not to mention the MANY evaluations that are done just so another evaluator can do the same. All the therapies we attend, speech, behavior, play therapy...why would I, a "lazy parent" take up all my free time to fight for my kid if I am a "bad parent"?  I know the post wasn't written about me but it was written about ADHD, and high functioning autistic kids being "overly diagnosed" and "there's no need for them to be diagnosed if they're high functioning" but this was such a hurtful statement to make and it was clearly an ignorant statement because if you only knew that EVERY kid in the spectrum should receive services. Without services for Liam we would not be where we are today, I'd still be having to restrain him while he has his tantrum, I'd still be struggling with understanding what he's thinking and how to handle him so not to trigger a tantrum. If you think you can judge when you don't have kids or you have kids but they are "angels", you can't possibly begin to imagine the life of a child with ASD. To see your kid riddled with anxiety so much that he bruises his head out of rage, so filled with anxiety because the world and his own parents don't understand him, so filled with anxiety that his world crashes down when one single toy or furniture is out of the position that it was last in. Childhood isn't meant to have anxiety and worry about the exact way a task should be performed or it must be repeated until it's right.  There's nothing more painful for parents than to see your kid have more worries than YOU. Autism is a "hidden disability" and there is no cure. There is no miracle drug, unlike what that Facebook poster may think it isn't about being labeled with the disorder so you can drug your kid, and if there were a miracle drug that can help our children function then who is to judge but the parents making the decision of their own. No one should make judgments about anything but what is happening with themselves. Facebook is too easy and can give too much power for ignorant statements to be made and really no responsibility is taken for such uneducated opinions. The more I grow, the older my kids get, & the more life changes, the less opinions and judgments are passed and I start making educated opinions & try to come up with solutions. Nothing good comes from negativity but more negativity. If we concentrate on WHY & WHAT causes 1 in 88 of our children to be diagnosed with ASD & we start to try to UNDERSTAND & HELP our children rather than judge the parents and the children, the MORE success we will have at overcoming & dealing with this childhood epidemic.

Behavior Binders on sale from $30-$50! @ www.jenndominguez.weebly.com

I have finally finished the Behavior Binders that were inspired by Liam and our journey with ASD! I'm very excited to get these out there to help parents cope with any behavior problems they are having with their little ones. :) These are selling for $20.00 and I will hopefully have them up on the web to sell soon!

"STOP" Sign for behavior

Potty chart for Dora and Diego Fans!

Potty Chart for Thomas fans!

CALM DOWN CARDS

3 chores Star chart. Velcro any 3 icons and

these are the 40 icons that are included in the binder for the daily schedule...

I see the future!

Liam is doing really well lately and has been a little less stressed out with the world. Dare I say that it has been quite some time since any self-harming behavior. I'm excited that he makes progress everyday now. Awareness was the answer we needed to get ourselves on the right track. Getting Liam the help and understanding he needed at such an early age has set him free and is letting him experience and enjoy life a little more.

He can hold himself together for a good amount of time but there have been times that we are reminded to stay on top of the schedules and certain routines. When Liam interacts with Adrian he is usually on edge with one notch of anxiety, then Adrian will say something in the wrong order and there's another notch up the anxiety scale, by the time Adrian gets a banana out for the kids to eat, Liam, is midway on his anxiety and is starting to crumble, when Adrian breaks the banana in half for Gwyn and Liam to share then we have a complete meltdown that resulted in an alarm clock being thrown and breaking and about a 20 minute tantrum (progress on the time!). It still is stressful and we can never really let our guard down because everyday Liam wakes up anything could happen depending on his expectations.

I have started to write all of my experiences with Liam and autism and I'm trying to write a book. If anything it is a great reminder of where we started. I also am putting together a binder with all of the schedules, charts, and ideas and I'm hoping this will lead me down a new path, maybe to help Autism Awareness or help other parents out there that need it. We will see where this can lead me but I hope it leads me to learning more and spreading awareness to others who have a "Liam story".

Liam's teacher once asked me a question for his IEP "what plans do you have for Liam's future?" I was stumped because all I could think about as far as "future" was getting through the day. We laughed about it but I was shocked at how caught off guard I was. If I were asked that same question today, I would respond, "Liam's future is limitless for whatever he sets his mind to do."

The light at the end of the tunnel

We are finally experiencing 'the calm' after having a storm for 2 years. Adrian's schedule has been anything but routine and yet Liam's world is not disrupted by this anymore. Adrian can get Liam off the bus and he's greeted with a smile. Liam can walk in the house and things are not the way he left them and not get hung up on something changing in the environment. We have faded his reinforcements so that now his desired behaviors are natural and do not need as many reinforcements anymore. I believe we have found our balance and we can only grow from here. I still continue to seek out all the ABA workshops and books that I can so I can keep us on track. We did try ABA Services in the home over the last 4 months but it turns out that it was a year too late. We pretty much handled the severe maladaptive behaviors and the Self Injurious Behaviors on our own and by the time Insurance approved Services for us, it wasn't very beneficial to us. I just never thought that Liam or I had learned anything from those Services.

Here's some examples of how life has changed for us...
We started out having dinosaur cut PB&J sandwiches waiting on his table after school. Then I had them already made but waiting in the kitchen. Next I waited until he got home to make them, so he had to wait a little bit. Finally I can give him two choices of a snack after school and he doesn't have them until an hour after he's home.

We started out having 'fits' for 4 hours because Daddy was home before Liam came home off the bus. Now Daddy can go get him off the bus and Liam welcomes the surprise of Daddy being home.

We started out not being able to have Gwyn come with me to get him off the bus, or she couldn't be hanging in the living room when he got home. Gwyn had to be away from Liam for at least an hour after he came home. Now he is happy to see Gwyn and tell her about his day.

We still have some things to work on but his Self Injurious Behaviors have diminished. We still have maladaptive behaviors when something is spur of the moment or when I am not in the frame of mind to have reinforcements or social stories ready for him, but they have greatly decreased. We went out after school to McDonald's and ate it at the park and he was the happiest child and he felt special for being able to do something like this, instead of having a 'fit' and crying all the way until we all went home full of anxiety and regret for even trying to do something so out of routine. It really touches my
heart when we can experience something so little to many people but it's huge to us, we waited 4 years to be able to have McDonald's in the Park and have him run around without a care in the world.

Liam has now discovered how to live in the moment. (to some extent) and not get carried away by anxieties and emotions.

Liam's full diagnoses as of May 2011:

• PDD-NOS, r/o Asperger's Syndrome

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Anxiety Disorder

20 Minutes Home and Everyone is Crying.

Yesterday after school, Liam came home and looked at flowers and bees as we walked up the driveway. As soon as he stepped foot in the house he started to breathe short while stomping his feet because he saw Adrian was home watching TV on the couch. As I pulled his shoes off he started to cry and get angry about anything that was done or said. He choked past his tears and said he wanted a drink and crackers but his actions said the opposite. I went in the kitchen to get him his drink and crackers and he followed me in the kitchen, still crying. Adrian came in the kitchen and Liam screamed, stomped his feet and hid between the cabinet and my legs. I told Liam he needs to calm down before he gets his drink and crackers (I knew he would throw them on the floor in a fit), I talked to him calmly and said he needs to calm down and talk to me instead of crying and screaming. I walked away (acting like I was busy) so that he could have a moment, but that made his reaction worse, falling on the floor, slapping his face, kicking his feet. I decided to ignore it, if I confronted him it would only escalate and we would both get too emotional. So I left the room feeling like I don't know what to do, I don't know why I'm not used to this by now. Adrian is with Gwyn and has taken her outside to get away from the screams. It's been 10 minutes now and still Liam is screaming and crying and I'm at a loss for what to do. Adrian decided to put him on his padded floor in his room and turned to walk out and Liam pushed his humidifier, full of water, to the ground. By this time I'm crying (for some reason I let this get to me this time) and confused on how to handle this. We cleaned up the floor and took all the mats outside to dry and Liam is still crying and now Gwyn has started to get upset. 20 minutes has passed and now 3 of us are crying...Liam was put in time out for 9 minutes (3 times he refused to say sorry) and finally he says "I'm sorry to Mommy" so we take that as an apology even though he was avoiding the apology to Adrian, I just decided not to pick that fight at this time. So I tell him that since he spilled the water and got it all over his clothes that he needs to take a bath now, he starts to get upset again and I said in an assertive voice "Liam, you pushed over the humidifier and got water all over your clothes. You already said you're sorry and now we are going to take a bath and put on dry clothes." He calmed down and let me undress him. After the bath he talked about how he pushed the humidifier and was crying and then he went out and ate crackers, had a drink and acted like he was fine. He even talked to Adrian and was being silly with Adrian, like there was no issue at all just a couple minutes ago on how he didn't even want to see Daddy. The rest of the night was quiet and no conflicts until it was time to brush his teeth, then he cried and fell on the floor. After I handled that then he went to bed and yelled "Momma, Momma" for about 10 minutes then he gave up and went to bed.

I knew that these emotional outbursts after school would be back, he had such a normal time coming home from school for about 2 months (February, March) but the pattern is usually carefree "normal" days for 1-2 weeks and "emotionally troubled" days for 3-4 weeks. This time we had carefree "normal" days for 2 months, so now I believe we are on the emotionally troubled days for about 4 months now.

It's difficult to let my guard down when he is carefree because I know that a couple days he will have emotionally troubled days and I have to be prepared for those days, otherwise I'm thrown off and I don't handle situations correctly. I feel more pressure now because I'm trying to explain Liam's emotional breakdowns and ticks to Adrian, but sometimes I don't even know the answers. I feel like I'm constantly pleading Liam's case to Adrian so that Adrian doesn't have negative feelings towards Liam. I guess I'm trying hard to build good relationships between Liam and Adrian, Liam and Gwyn, and Liam and myself.

It's hard for me to be this honest because I know I'm making our "family business" public but it helps me deal with the situations and it's the truth.

Head banging and restraining are NOT a thing of the past!

Liam had a head banging incident over this last weekend. We were 9 months of "head banging free" behavior. I was so beside myself and shocked when I walked in and he had a knot on his forehead. You figure I would be prepared for this behavior but I had written it off as a behavior of the past. I thought we solved this and he wouldn't have even resorted back to this behavior but I guess it will never be completely out of the picture.

My actions that I have to take are: (This is to refresh my memory)

1. Keep my eyes on him when he gets angry and make sure his anger doesn't escalate to rage

If it does resort to a "rage fit", I have to: (This is to refresh my memory)

1. Remember to restrain him until he's calmed.



2. Have no emotions during this time.



3. Keep a calm and assertive voice.



4. Ask no questions, give no hugs, have no conversations with him at this time, until he's calmed.

Nightmare...
Liam also got up in the middle of the night screaming for me and when I went in to see what was the matter he was just screaming and crying and kicking and punching his fists. I couldn't clam him down, he was hyperventalating and was just getting worse. Adrian had to come in and restrain him for 10 minutes until he clamed down and I went back in and asked Liam what happened and he replied "I didn't do it!" and I asked "you didn't do what?" and he replied "I didn't stab myself!" I didn't even have a reply for that, I just hugged him and said everything is ok and that he just had a bad dream. I don't even know where he even came up with the word "stab" no one uses it at home, must be from school, but still it is an odd thing for a 3.5 year old to dream about and have such a violent reaction after he's awake.

No Daddy No!

We are so happy to have Adrian back in our lives after being deployed for a year. He's been home for about a month now and our lives have been anything but routine ever since. School has been out for Liam; Adrian comes home from work at different times everyday; Liam, Gwyn and I have been sick for the last week; nothing is normal anymore. Liam has enjoyed playing with Adrian for the first weeks of his return but now Liam is rejecting Adrian and won't even be in the same room as Adrian so he doesn't have to confront him. With me being sick I have needed Adrian's help with taking care of the kids but Liam won't have any part of daddy helping him. In the picture above, I had to persuade Liam to go see the statue with daddy but Liam wasn't happy that he had to leave me behind and I wouldn't be holding his hand. So Liam went but didn't want to be near or hold daddy's hand. Every little thing is an issue with Liam if daddy has to help or be involved. When I asked him why can't daddy help he replied "Because daddy's too different!" He is now back to square one with Adrian, before Adrian deployed a year ago, Liam would have fits because Adrian would get him out of the car instead of me. I have talked to Liam and told him social stories about "When daddy is home, he will drive the car...when daddy is home, he will help you with your shoes..." and so on. But so far the social stories are not working, and I haven't been on "my game" since I've been sick. Now I'm getting better and I'm trying to come up with new techniques to incorporate good behavior responses and bad behavior responses and that Liam has a choice to respond with good behavior and get a reward. In fact, after I write this blog, I will be working on some new reward systems for him. Right now if Adrian walks into Liam's bedroom Liam will scream "NO, DADDY, NO! I DON'T WANT YOU! I WANT MOMMY! GO AWAY!" and he'll cry and scream as if he were getting beaten if Adrian continues. Adrian has been really understanding about it, even though I know it breaks his heart to hear Liam protest so angrily about him. But it's not that Liam doesn't like Adrian, it's that Liam is not used to Adrian being the person who helps him with his pajamas, or put him to bed. He is used to me doing all of this and it's easy if I do it because he knows how to socialize with me and he knows what to expect with me, he doesn't know what to expect with Adrian. Adrian could put his left foot in the sock first instead of his right foot. Adrian could put his pants on before his shirt is put on. All these possibilities are unpredictable is Adrian does them but I know exactly what to do and how Liam likes to do things without him having to worry about it. It's like all Liam does is worry when Adrian is around and when Liam worries, he isn't carefree and he doesn't want to have fun or play.

The Second Time Through!

We went on a spur of the moment trip to Washington D.C. over Easter weekend to attend The White House Easter Egg Roll event. We, of course, did all the sight-seeing that we could do in 2 days. We visited all the monuments and memorials and when we went through the Franklin Roosevelt Memorial the first time, Liam did not want to participate in picture taking or see the statues up close. So we went through and saw the whole memorial and then we turned around and went back through but this time Liam was excited to participate and lok at all the statues and touch them. The first time through was like a trial run for him to see what it was and the second time through he was comfortable and enjoyed himself.

Accomplishments by the many!!!

We visited old family friends that Liam has never met and he had a ball! He let them pick him up, take his shoes off, and help him swing without any hesitation! His whole attitude was carefree and his personality is really shining through these last 6 weeks. I can't believe how flexible he was during this trip with no routine and nothing was familiar. He smiled and laughed the whole time! He chased a goat, went swinging, and jumped on a trampoline without any second thoughts or without hesitating. All of this progress is really amazing and just a dream come true. He is open to knew things and to having fun like a little boy should! I'm so proud at his accomplishments and he is now undressing ALL BY HIMSELF! He can take socks off, and pants and shirts...it's unbelievable that last week he struggled for an hour with his sock! Now he's a professional!

Gluten Free/Casein Free Diet (GFCF Diet)

When I first heard about this diet I didn't think it was very 'do-able' for us because Liam's main diet is very limited, and wouldn't you know that it all contains wheat and/or dairy. But then a friend, who also has a child with Asperger's Syndrome, told me about a book called Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma, and Allergies: The Groundbreaking Program for the 4-A Disorders by Kenneth Bock, Cameron Stauth. Reading this book, that is full of scientific reasons and explanations for the sudden 'outbreak' of Autism, really has me thinking. I have seen improvement with Liam since he's attended Preschool and with our Reward System in place. But what if by changing his diet he can conscentrate a little more, improve his repetitive behaviors, make his speech a little clearer, and maybe even rid him of his nummular eczema and his inflamation on his cheeks. I feel that if I can help him in any way then why not try it?! I have started to switch him over to gluten free cookies (with no complaints) and I'm gradually going to introduce more gluten free products and then hopefully after the break in his school schedule in March then I can send him to school with his own lunches. Atleast there's more choices in the stores for buying gluten free/casein free foods. I have bought gluten/casein free breakfast bars, cookies, noodles, and whole grain bread mix. The thing that will be the hardest for him is his love for cheese! I'm hoping that with this new exploration in food choices that he will be more open to foods and maybe helping his symptoms and giving him a better life. Liam has gone from being bogged down with such emotion that he was hurting, to being free and acting like a kid should. We go through a pattern of 2 weeks of a 'normal' acting kid to 3 weeks of an emotionally tortured kid. I am trying my hardest to have that silly, imaginitive, smart kid come out and play every day!

Our Reward Techniques.

The Happy Face Tokens...

Whenever Liam expresses good manners, such as 'Please', 'Thank you' or 'excuse me', he receives a happy face token and when he collects 6 tokens then he can buy a car. He usually reaches his 6 tokens by the weekend. This really encourages good behavior and manners without having to remind him much.

The Ribbons...

Liam gets a ribbon every time he accomplishes something new or does something by himself. I write down his accomplishment and he gets to stick it up and when he reaches 5 ribbons (hopefully by Monday) then he gets to take it to school and share with the class.

The Stocking...

This is to encourage daily routines such as brush teeth, bath time, but it's mainly used for potty time. I made cards with pictures of the act that I want him to do and then I put it in his stocking when it's time to do something and I say, "Go check your stocking!" and he will pull out a card and then he will go do what the card says and when he comes back then I have a reward waiting for him inside the stocking, like a Hershey kiss, a sweetheart, or some little candy reward, for doing his task. This helps when he doesn't want to take orders directly from me and so I make a card up and put it in there and he will follow it without arguing.

I really try to think of new reward techniques so that he is always looking forward to his praise and rewards. He really appreciates positive reinforcement now. I used to try to give him a candy or sticker and he would freak out and have a melt-down over a reward. Now he understands and the stocking has made him look forward to surprises because he doesn't know what he will get. Surprises were hard for Liam to handle but this has helped him understand that surprises are good and are suppose to make you feel happy and excited. I just hope I can keep the ideas going so I can change it up and keep his interest because we are on a roll!

"I can ride my motorcycle!"

Liam finally got the hang of his tricycle! He was so proud of himself! He has had trouble
trying to figure out how to peddle and get himself going and keep going. He also learned, the very next day, how to turn the tricycle. He has learned how to catch a ball, jump with both legs off the floor, and ride a tricycle all in this year, mostly because of the influence of pre-school and his teacher. In this photo he has the happiest face I have ever seen in a year and a half. He is finally living in the moment and he has let go of his "inner-struggle" with himself. Adrian will be so shocked at how far Liam has come in this past year. He has really begun to show more confidence and carefree personality, not anxious or overwhelmed at all. He will let me praise him and not get upset. He used to get mad and have melt-downs every time I would praise him or give him any positive reinforcement. Now he seeks out praise and is proud of himself. Learning to ride the tricycle is a huge accomplishment for Liam, I'm so proud of him and how much progress he has made.

Inappropriate Play...working progress...

I have constant eyes on how Liam plays with Gwyn. I have a camera in his room that has a portable monitor so I can see what he is doing at all times. Now that Gwyn is older and into more things, I have to know what they are doing. Liam doesn't know how to play with Gwyn yet. His usual behavior with her is to get in her face and yell "aaahhh" in her face (like in this picture) and then flap his hands around. He doesn't know that he can't sit on her like a chair or step on her like a stool. He has no knowledge that he can hurt her and he doesn't care when she cries. AS children have no empathy for others and they fail to make the distinction between accidental and deliberate acts. When Gwyn touches his shoulder he yells at her and tells me "Tell her NO! She hit me!" I have to always remind him that it was an accident but he will repeat it over and over until you acknowledge his complaint and talk to Gwyn about not hitting. The one moment I didn't have an eye on them he ended up pushing her down and she bit straight through her lip, making a scar, all because she was touching his chair and that was the only way he knew to respond. He wasn't angry with her, he was just solving a problem. We are still working on this behavior just by reinforcing good behavior when he is being appropriate and letting him know when he is inappropriate. He gets a happy face token whenever he displays good behavior and if he collects 7 by the end of the week he gets to buy a car...his favorite "special interest".