When is it MORE than the TERRIBLE TWOS?

I remember asking this question, to myself, everyday. Liam started acting out emotionally and physically harming himself. In this picture you can see his bruise on his forehead from banging his head on his crib. He had a constant bruise on his head when he was 2-2.5 years old. People at grocery stores would notice and say "oh my, what happened?!" and it got to the point that I was scared that I would be blamed for this bruising. I kept thinking to myself, I know terrible twos are suppose to be terrible, but how terrible? I would ask his pediatricians and they would tell me that he wouldn't bang his head hard enough to damage himself, but I saw him when he was in that 'state of mind' and it was scary. You can't tell me that bruising your head isn't going to damage anything. My husband even thought about getting him a helmet, but I was against it because I didn't want to mask over the problem and let him keep banging his head, I wanted to fix the action. I ended up physically restraining him when he was full of rage for 2-4 hours, until he calmed down. In this picture, you will also see 'the face' he gives you when he's uncomfortable, confused, overwhelmed, and anxious. I just noticed this connection about 'the face' to emotional outbursts that would happen maybe right after, or hours after. I showed this to his teacher and today when he gives her 'the face' she notices and takes him out in the hallway to discuss his feeling. What a difference that has made in our lives. Less emotional outbursts today, and instead of tantrums with head banging, it's totally prevented and he hasn't had an episode in 7 months. His emotional outbursts are shorter and last maybe an hour, instead of 2-4 hours (sometimes it would be all day). Our lives have changed within this last year because I kept pushing with the doctors until I had him tested and he qualified for the Early-Intervention Program with CDSA, which then lead to Early-In Preschool Program transition. He was labelled "developmentally delayed in speech and social behavior, with behavior problems". He started speaking at the normal age but it was limited and 'made up' language. When he would say a word, he stuck with it, no matter if it was right or not. YahYow-water, KahKu-sucker, DahDooDoo-helicopter, DahDah-Rosey(our dog), Kye-car. His speech has come a long way, he has trouble saying words and you can tell he has to think for a minute about what he is going to say but his language sounds more like the word that the made up version. Preschool has been the best progress for him. ABA therapies, Play therapies, At home therapy visits, speech therapy (outside of school), none of this helped Liam at all...It wasn't until 3 weeks into Preschool that he had progress at school and engaged in activities. The teacher described him to have "Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde" conflicts with himself. He would not let himself participate but you could see he wanted to. Before Preschool... When I dropped him off at day care for 4 hours (only to get him out and socialize) he would stand in the same spot that I left him and not move until I came to get him. Now he has one friend at school and participates in most activities with nothing holding him back, no internal conflicts.

some of Liam's behaviors that should have sparked interest and concerns in doctors:

• headbanging to the point of bruising
• "rage fits" that last 2-4 hours
• making up own language
• everything ending in a melt-down (we had 5 melt-downs a day)
• withdrawn and overwhelmed by other kids his age
• repeating the same question every 2 minutes after given an answer
• hard time with transition
• needs a very structured routine (only mommy fixes my breakfast, not daddy)
• When angry it escalated to RAGE
• Personality at school is different than that of the one at home (behavior problems at home, none at school)

I kept pursuing these issues because I had support from family and friends that dealt with special needs children and autism. Everyone kept reassuring me that this is not normal and to keep pushing the doctors until I find one that listens and explores more. I'm grateful for that support because it's easy to blame yourself and think that maybe you haven't given discipline enough or maybe you let him get away with things too long. But the people who supported me, knew that I wasn't a push over, and I had structure and routine. I know I asked myself many times "Have I done a terrible job? How could I have raised such a brat." I couldn't help but think it was my fault, but then his teacher suggested Asperger's in passing and I did research and came across a book by Tony Attwood, "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and there I read the first 2 chapters and found hope. It was like the book was written from a study of Liam! It explained every behavior and then gave instruction on how to address such behavior. It was such a relief to have explanation on why your child acts the way he does and to get an understanding of your child that will now lead you to building trust and security in our relationship. Now he trusts that I understand what he's going through and how to handle it.